The life n times of a guy named joel

Ole..

2004-06-17T23:30:00.000+08:00

nothin much 2 write here except i've got 2 finish my assignment on malaysian studies..
damn!
heh heh...love my life...lotsa fun n lotsa...err...nvm.. =P
cheers!
urs truly,
me

da situation is FUBAR!

2004-06-16T19:07:00.000+08:00

damn it!
in two months will b my trial...
after my trial will b the A2 exams..
n time is just flyin past!
time 2 get down 2 hard n serious studyin...
but
da problem is
is kinda hard 2 do that wth all those
distractions..u know..=P
well
gotta go
now..

urs truly,
me

Somethin 2 ponder on..

2004-06-15T18:22:00.000+08:00

the Lord is my shepherd, i shall not flunk
he keeps me from lyin down when i should b studyin
he leads me beside the fridge for a study break
he restores my faith in study guides
he leads me 2 better study habits for my grades sake
yea, though i walk thru the valley of borderline grades
i will not hav a nervous breakdown
for thou art wth me
my prayers n my frens, they comfort me
thou gives me answers in moments of blankness
thou anoints my head wth understandin
my test paper runneth over wth questions i recognise
surely flyin colors will follow me
all the days of my examinations
n i shall not hav 2 dwell in this college forever..
amen

~ played pool n went bowlin today...got trashed in pool..bowlin was a little better but not by much.. =)

cheers!
urs truly,
me

just luv watchin da grass grow...

2004-06-14T16:18:00.000+08:00

=)
to infinity n beyond! ~ said buzz lightyear...
surprised to see me?
no.
good. then u're aware of it.
of what?
of our connection..i dont fully understand how it happened; perhaps some part of you was written unto me, something overwritten or copied, but it is at this point irrelevent as what matters is whatever happened, happened for a reason..
and what reason is that?
i killed you mr.anderson. i watched you die, with a certain satisfaction i must add. but, something happened. i knew it was impossible but it happened anyway..you destroyed me, mr.anderson..
afterwards, i knew the rules and i understood what i was supposed to do but i didnt.. i couldnt. i was compelled to disobey.. n now here i stand because of you, mr.anderson.. ~said smith n neo

=P
heh heh..how's my memory? not bad eh?
only for movies mayb...
cheers!
urs truly,
me

Oh yeah... =)

2004-06-13T00:02:00.000+08:00

did nuthin the whole day yesterday but laze around wth my tongue probably lollin out like a contented doggie.. =P
heh heh..i think i cud stake out a livin as a man of leisure.. =) who knows? =P
good mornin..n i think its time for my shut-eye.. =P
cheers!

urs truly,
me
=D

p.s. will write more after this weekend...m rechargin meself 4 da next 6 months.. *grin*

oh, my joints creak.. =)

2004-06-11T07:59:00.000+08:00

wah...havent played badminton 4 a very long time...i got trashed nicely by da fairer kind n i'm really knocked out 2 boot...but, wat da heck! i had some fun at least..guess i really need da exercise.. =) been rather sedentary lately...
til next time...need 2 go back 2 bed..

urs truly,
me
=P

Hallelujah!! =)

2004-06-09T18:35:00.000+08:00

thank God......my AdvSub (A-level) exams r finally over...wuhoooo!! =) i hope to God i did well in my chem paper 2...last question was like 'heck! where did that come from!' thank God its all over...for awhile...guess what guys n gals, joel has 2 get back 2 work in four days time..it's a real crime, it is...forcin us poor A-lvl students back 2 grind our noses 2 the mill of learning.. =(

so, i went out...nuff said..met a lot ppl, watched harry potter n the delectable hermione granger (emma watson looks great!), played pool... =) really knocked out 2day..
nuthin much 2 type about so, good nite guys n gals...joel is definitely turnin in early 4 da nite..

urs truly,
me
=)

p.s.
'i luv bein me!'
ok..i dont know where that came from..
nites..

Pain n suffering....

2004-06-08T09:31:00.000+08:00

do u know sumthing? i dont really know anything but heck, one thing we do know 4 sure is that we instinctively fear pain...in my experience, i try 2 avoid all pain whether physical or emotional n mental as well..

hav i not buried my pain deep within as if they're never there? this state of anesthesia has pervaded my soul til i begin to panic when there's nothin or nobody left 2 distract me..

when i hav no project 2 finish, no friend 2 visit, no book 2 read, no television 2 watch, no cd 2 play, n when i'm left all alone by myself, i'm brought so close 2 the revelation of our basic human aloneness...i'm scared as heck of experiencing an all-pervasive sense of loneliness that i'll do anythin 2 get busy again n continue the rat race that comforts me 2 blieve that everythin is fine after all...

n so, like the Energizer bunny, i just keep goin n goin n goin, but even the bunny cant go on 4ever, mayb a littl longer than its competitors, but definitely not 4ever..sooner or later it has 2 stop, just as sooner or later u n i hav 2 stop...

urs truly,
me
=)

Value Today...

2004-06-07T19:40:00.000+08:00

i may never c tomorrow; there's no written guarantee
n things that happened yesterday belong to history
i cannot predict the future, i cannot change the past
i hav just the present moment, i must treat it as my last

i must use this moment wisely for it soon will pass away
n b lost forever, as part of yesterday
i must exercise compassion, help the fallen to their feet
b a friend unto the friendless, make n empty life complete

the unkind things i do today may never b undone
n the friendships that i fail to win may nevermore b won
i may not hav another chance on bended knees to pray
n i thank God wth a humble heart 4 givin me this day

urs truly,
me

Still Blurr... =)

2004-06-06T18:31:00.000+08:00

heh heh...guess blurness is hereditary..yesterday, i got up, got dressed n headed down to the coll lib to study..as usual, rite? well, the only thing i forgot was that yesterday was a public holiday in honour of the king's birthday... =) so, i drove down in the rain..
oh, did i mention there was a friggin downpour when i got out of my house? guess i didnt..
well, i got there n saw the lib was closed.. =( then, it only struck my mind that the coll lib doesnt open on a public holiday n yesterday was one of them...i cussed n i cussed but the lib doors didnt swing open so i hauled ass back home where i justly received a telling-off by my parents for bein so blurr.. =)

guess what?! what goes around comes around...my father who screwed me for wastin an hour n 15 minutes for travellin..just wasted 2hrs cuz he had the same case of blurness as me..
he was supposed 2 attend this sort of 'talk' 4 new principals at a hotel in batu feringgi
tomorrow..well, he went today..got blown off by the receptionist..'besok, baru ada lah..sekarang tada orang' (tomorrow only got, now there's nobody)..he had the same sheepish grin on his face when my mom told him off for not readin his official letter wth more care..heh heh.. =)
who knows what will happen next?

urs truly,
me

Life..

2004-06-05T18:14:00.000+08:00

life isnt about keepin score
it's not about how many friends i hav
or how accepted i m
not about if i hav plans this weekend or if i'm alone
it isnt about who i'm datin, who i'd used to date
or how many people i've dated, or if i havent been wth anyone at all
it isnt about who my family is or how much money they hav,
or what kind of car i driv, or where i was sent to school
it's not about how ugly or handsome i m, or what clothes i wear,
what shoes i hav on, or what kind of music i listen to
it's not about if my hair is black, blonde, red or brown
or if my skin is too light or too dark
not about what grades i get, how smart i m, how smart everyone else thinks i m,
or how smart standardized tests say i m
it's not about what clubs i'm in or how good i m at sports
it's not about representing my whole being on a piece of paper
and seein i'll 'accept the written me'

but,
life is about who i love n who i hurt
it's about who i make happy or unhappy purposefully
it's about keepin or betrayin trust
it's about friendship, used as a sanctuary or as a weapon
it's about what u say n mean, mayb hurtful, mayb heartening
about startin rumours n contributin to petty gossip
it's about what judgements u pass n y
n who ur judgements r spread to
it's about who i've ignored wth full intention n motive
it's about jealousy, fear, ignorance, n revenge
it's about carryin inner hate or love, lettin it grow n spreadin it

but,
most of all, it's about usin my life to touch or poison other people's hearts in such a way that could never hav occured alone
only i can choose the way those hearts r affected, n those choices r what life's all about...

urs truly,
me
=)

Ho-Hum.. =P

2004-06-04T10:53:00.000+08:00

hola, it's me again...news-flash! joel is so bored that he's relegatin the better part of an hour 2 typin his pathetically limited thoughts down in this blog of his...what m i thinkin? nothing much really..i was simply wondering how long this torture of studyin has 2 last..i know, i know, probably my whole life..after all, as some wise-@$$ folks say; learning is n ongoing process.. *grimaces*

this is the truth about life: you have two choices ~ you can either go through life dwelling on everything, letting every bad thing that happens bring you down that much more, letting everytime someone hurts you, everytime someone lets you down, everytime someone doesn't care when they say they do - you can let that all ruin you...you can let it tear you apart inside..heck!it's easy too...or, you can take the high road: you can look back on high school, on the mean things you've done, on the mean things people have done to you, and you can try to learn something...you can learn lots from your past if you're willing to just look...i've learnt not to let the fact that i think someone's smarter than me, make me think they're better than me...i've learnt no matter how beautiful someone is on the outside, that's nothing next to being a caring, warm, friendly, comforting, reliable, trustworthy person...i've learnt never to let go of what i really believe, to never give in to people who don't want anything but the best for me. i've learned that in this world, there's only one person i'm responsible for, one person i can change, one person i can always count on - me....=)

urs truly,
me

Wort wort..

2004-06-03T11:29:00.000+08:00

heh heh..got screwed by the college guard cuz he in turn got screwed by the principal cuz that 'important' dude saw me drivin my car in the opp direction of the normal traffic flow in the college grounds.. =P well, cant help it but i was in a hurry the last few days...the reasons r of cuz varied but in general, i was a little blur... =) what can i say? As usual, i've been spending half my wakin hours in the coll library doin my usual crap that passes off for studyin...i'm beginning 2 entertain a lastin grudge against chemistry...heck! i'm certain that quite a number of guys n gals might share the same views as urs truly...

oh yeah, yesterday i had the pleasure n privilege of takin a close friend out for lunch...suffice 2 say that i'm not 'queer', really enjoyed myself..such friends r rarely found n mayb i'm just struck gold in findin that particular friend, thank God for small miracles... =) now, i've gotta get back to my most favourite pastime of all..*drumroll*..STUDYIN!! =P bye 4 now..

urs truly,
me
=P

Here n There...

2004-06-02T11:23:00.000+08:00

Hav u ever realized that people always create a there instead of a here...for example, u r on a hike and u have a destination of geting there (the top of the hill) so u make it your point, once i get there i'll b happy, but then u get there and soon u realize that ur here has vanished and u create another there, once i get back i'll b happy, n once u get there....it's the same, u create another there....humans are like this they're never here, there always there. so u have to realize that ur whole life will be a there when u have to live now n not later....u must stop living there and start living here, or ur life will pass u by, and u'll b still living in a there world until u die, so what da heck m i talking about?!

oh well, that's all 4 now..
urs truly,
me
=)

I'm P'ed Off!

2004-06-02T10:28:00.000+08:00

is everythin screwed up or is it just my screwed-up perception acting up on me? heck, i think i'm the one to blame cuz i'm definitely having big, enormous, world-shaking, insurmountable problems here...i simply cant concentrate on my chemistry enough.. =( well, guess i might hav overstated my problems a teeny little bit but it's still a big heck of a problem to urs truly..i mean, come on..a future med student havin study problems is a sure prerequisite for disaster ahead..already i can feel deep within the chemical precursors that signify the decision to quit medicine..after all, the world is only an illusion, 'maya' to our mortal lives..it is what we do in our lives that shall echo throughout eternity.. =) mayb i should apply for the post of the Architect.. =P then i might b able 2 control the external factors of my pathetic joke of a life... =)

to my dear reader, pls bear with my melodramatic style of writin n we shall see how this big fat worm of a joel metamorphoses into a....err...who knows? just wait n see..

urs truly,
me
=)

Today's Movie Day!!

2004-06-01T09:22:00.000+08:00

muahahaha!! i'm gonna watch two movies n i'm, like, all worked up cuz i get 2 c Troy n The Day After Tommorow at one shot... =) heck! i even get 2 watch those two wth a few gals to boot.. =P am i a lucky boy or what?! well, guess i was born lucky...being in the rite place at the rite time might have something to do with it 2.. =)

oh ya...must study first..so i've got 2 get back 2 my little cubby-hole at the back of the library...well, definitely gonna hav lots of fun today.. =)

urs truly,
me

Blurr....but i guess i am..all the freakin time..

2004-05-31T12:52:00.000+08:00

oh man, didnt get 2 post any stuff yesterday cuz i was so tired after helping out for four straight hours at a charity fair organised by my church...i crashed at 8p.m. n unbelievably slept like a log until 8 the next mornin...this was a real surprise 4 me..i've never slept for twelve hours before...man, thank God u couldnt see my pathetic-lookin face when i finally decide 2 crawl of my warm bed 2 go to college to bury myself again under a book n sleep again..my hair was really tousled til u'd think i was a far-off cousin of Shaun Ewe (if u know him,that is =), i had fascinating creases on my face that came as a result of my performing yoga when i sleep..if u know what i mean, heh heh.. =P

anyways, yesterday's charity fair was very interestin...got 2 meet up wth several new n old friends..it's rather fun 2 mess around manning the game stalls..i was in charge of the duckies..nyuk nyuk.. =) the game is for those under twelve so u can say that i had 2 cater for all those little kiddies who wanted some clean fun n some goodies 4 their little grubby hands.. =) well, by the time i got home, all my joints were creaking n straining to pop out..ahh, the things we do for charity.. *big GRIN*

so, gonna get back 2 studying in the coll lib..there's where i'm typin this.. =) i know, i know..i'm a real bad boy but heck! i'm only goin 2 live this life of mine once so why waste it on dry pursuits such as learning? i think i consider myself as a connoisseur of the finer things of life.. =) why not soar in the pleasures that life can offer like bein wth close friends both of the fairer kind n my kind?

hmm?

who knows?
urs truly,
me

Distractions...

2004-05-29T18:21:00.000+08:00

cant really keep my mind steady on the task at hand..i simply cant study!! i've 2 many distractions pullin on poor ol me...i presume u'll like me to enlighten u on some of them so here goes, first n foremost on my list is the fairer kind...=) (dont get all worked up about this gals, it's not ur fault but my raging hormones alone..) Damn!..next is my whole collection of books galore from sci-fi to fiction n what have you..unfortunately for me, this entire paper stash is right next 2 my study table so i think u'll know what i'll resort 2 when i get bored of readin chem equations or crap like that.. =) *guilty grin*..well, now i hope u c what's my problem..n i really cant hav the hope that i'll ace my AS thanks 2 this innumerable factors plaguing me..oh yeah, after books is movies n after watchin movies (i cant wait for spiderman2 to get into theatres!!) is pc games (Unreal tournament 2004 rules!)....and the list goes on n on...

ergo, i hav 2 stop my pursuit of all those listed above if i want 2 fulfil my pipe-dreams of bein a doctor.. =)..what the heck! if worse comes to worse, i can always swallow my pride n bcome a psychologist.. =)who knows? i for one dont know anythin about my future..

well, gotta go..til next time folks..

urs truly,
me

i'm back!!

2004-05-28T23:17:00.000+08:00

well, ladies n gentlemen....joel's in da house n he's ready to parteee!! =)..FYI, i've just finished one extremely grueling week of examinations..n i guess this is my well-deserved break.. =)err...i beg ur pardon but actually my AS exams r not yet over officially cuz i havent sat for my chem paper 2 yet...*grimaces*...that is something i'm definitely not lookin forward to..anyways, it's almost over so i treated myself to 2 fantastic movies together wth a fantastic gal 2 boot.. =P so?! what's wrong wth that?!... personally, i believe in 'delayed gratification' ~ a.k.a. the light at the end of the tunnel..=)

oh ya, Shrek 2 is one heck of a movie...i'll giv it two thumbs up..plus a twenty-gun salute to those crazy guys who dreamed up the whole she-bang! wonderfully hilarious n rib-tickling is what i call it..i guess watchin Shrek cavort around doin his crazy antics n that delectable Fiona is what i do to gratify my poor suppressed inner child.. =) donkey is annoyingly funny again n puss-in-boots is the icing on the cake..cute as heck!! enuff gushin over this movie n back 2 reality as me.. ^-^ ..those who think this movie is only for kids, think again n go watch this! i can assure you..this is not candy fluff or a soppy disney flick but real oscar material..

two gals' birthdays r approachin fast n i wonder how r they gonna celebrate it? sumthing private or a big bash? well...what do i know anyway? we'll wait n see.. =) dont worry folks, i've sumthin up my sleeves 4 those 2... ;) well, today has been an interesting day n i'm real tired as a result so i guess i'll turn in early n get some shut-eye...i 2 need my beauty sleep u know.. =)

Semper Vigilans
~ ever vigilant

just remember n follow that motto...u'll never know when what u c comes in handy...
personal experience folks, so dont start hurling brickbats at me..not that i dont deserve them..*grins sheepishly*

urs truly,
me
=)

aloha!

2004-05-23T18:14:00.000+08:00

i'm startin this blog as a decent outlet of my frustrations, joy n what hav you...so, be patient with urs truly n let's watch how this endeavour of mine might turn out..=)
ergo, cogito sum...i think therefore i am...
this is all for now..hav fun pondering on that little thingy by rene descartes.. =)
cheers!
~joel